While the rest of you were watching quality programs like the premiere of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," my HBO-less little self stumbled upon the MTV Video Music Awards. Now, I know this immediately raises two important questions both of which I will dispatch of quickly: 1) What's a hottie like me doing at home on a perfectly good Sunday night, and 2) MTV still plays videos?
1)Yes, people, even I have to take a night off every once and a almost everyday while .
2) I guess so?
Anyhow, as you might have guessed there was a lot of bad lipsynching as well as a lot of bad gyrating dance-like movements. Most of this was done by Britney Spears. Apparently, this was supposed to be her big come- back from all her head-shaving, cha-cha flashing, bad parenting rehabbing bad ways. Even in a sea of cheesy cringe-inducing musical performances, Britney's performance seems to have been universally deemed the worst. Everything about her performance was awkward-- including the facial expressions of audience members watching it. 50 Cent looked utterly pained and puzzled by what he was witnessing. P. Diddy or whatever his name is these days, looked almost insulted by Britney's sloppy shennanigans until he noticed the camera on him and quickly snapped into polite attention.
Other lowlights included an off-camera scuffle between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee --two people who couldn't seem more musically irrelevant-- I guess over Pamela Anderson, whose only connection to music has been these two tools.
Fear not, the night was saved by a clearly coked- up Jaimie Foxx joking about the melee along with some serious shameless movie self-promotion along with a hint of movie award presenting.
I think Jennifer Garner best summed up my VMA watching experience as she stood paralyzed in fear by her co-presenter Jaimie Foxx's rantings only to then proceed to completely botch up the name of the winner of The Best New Artist Award by calling them "Gym Class Fallout,"--- which apparently was a combination of the bands Gym Class Heroes (F* &k if I know) and Fallout Boy (Ashlee Simpson's boyfriend's band?). Don't worry, Jen, I don't know who the hell any of these people are either. Seriously, every time a musical act came out I shouted at my tv, "Who are these people?!" I would then proceed to flip the channel or mute the volume or go to the can hoping that when I returned I would find Seth Rogen and Bill Hader--who looked bored as hell delivering their lines on how we were to NOT vote for our favorite new artist. Honestly, I think the only musician whose name I recognized for anything besides being in tabloids, was Lemmy from Motorhead. I'd like to think that has something to with something besides my crusty age.
I think the highlight of the show for me was seeing Best Week Ever (etc) comedian Doug Benson (and F.O.S.(arah silverman) ) grinning happily in the crowd and Human Giant comedian Azzis Ansari staring dead into the camera over the shoulder of Bill Hader. It lead me to wonder, if I had the opportunity to go to the VMA's would I have bothered to attend? Yeah, why not? It would be an experience, albeit not a good one, but an experience nonetheless.
Oh, and Sarah Silverman "hosted" (it wasn't really a traditional awards show format). Checkout Sarah Silverman's monologue. It's Sarah Silverman, people, so be forewarned it's crass and offensive and funny. You probably don't want to watch this at work or around your grandparents. www.sarahsilvermanonline.com
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